Friday, December 18, 2015

The perfect man


One woman to another:
"I want a man who is loyal, faithful, patient, attentive, forgiving, unselfish, even-tempered and a good listner."
"You want a dog"


Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

An impartial bear ... or is it?


White, black, man, woman, straight, gay, Catholic, Muslim, American, Mexican ...
all taste like chicken."

There is something wrong with this bear ...

White before black? Man before woman? Straight before gay? Catholic before Muslim? No Jews or Buddhists? American before Mexican !?!?!?

And a liberal waiting for his government handout meal and a welfare check ... tsk tsk !


Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Saturday, November 28, 2015

Wife loves dog


Wife to family dog:  "My gorgeous darling, I love you soooo much. My beautiful, adorable bundle of joy. You make me so happy! I love you, love you, love you!"

Husband:  "She used to talk o me like that."

Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Monday, November 23, 2015

Anti-depressant works best on a Caribbean beach


Doctor to patient: "This anti-depressant works best if you take it with water lapping near your hammock on a Caribbean beach."
Will health insurance cover for the Caribbean trip?

Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Friday, November 13, 2015

Sunday, November 8, 2015

If you are pretty ...


Daughter: "Who cares if I'm pretty if I fail my finals?"
Mother: "Okay, you have got this so completely backwards."

Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Room for Vodka


Pessimist - glass is half empty.
Optimist - glass is half full.
Me - Yay! There is room for vodka!

Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Friday, October 23, 2015

Nagging woman


Behind every nagging woman is a man not doing what he is supposed to do.

Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Thursday, October 8, 2015

Inconsiderate neighbour


My neighbour knocked at my door at 3am this morning! Can you believe it? 3am! Luckily, I was still up playing my drums.
I can understand this if one is playing the piano ... but to interrupt a drummer practicing ... tsk tsk ... must be a pretty inconsiderate neighbour.

Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Monday, September 28, 2015

Dog's side


Dog's side vs my side - and where is the cat's side?
A similar theme on a divided bed between her side and his side is in:
http://onemanadreaming.blogspot.com.au/2014/02/divided-bed.html

Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Dehydrated water


Dehydrated Water - Empty contents of can into one gallon of water. Stir until dissolved. Chill and serve.
Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Thursday, September 3, 2015

Friday, August 28, 2015

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Men - Really are from Mars


Last night I said to my boyfriend, "I demand good manners in bed, just like at the dinner table."
So he climbs into bed very slowly and says, "Honey, would you please pass me the pussy?"


Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Basic human needs


Basic Human Needs:
  •  Self-actualization - Creativity, Problem solving, Authenticity, Spontaneity
  •  Esteeme - Self-esteem, Confidence, Achievement
  •  Social Needs - Friends, Family
  •  Safety and Security
  •  Physiolgical Needs (Survival) - Air, Shelter, Water, Food
  •  WiFi
  •  Battery

Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Monday, August 3, 2015

Wine bed


Husband to wife: "I'm so glad we didn't go for one of those cheap and nasty water beds."
Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Big biceps are importanter


"Where do you work out?"
"At the library"
Education is important, but big biceps are importanter.



Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Monday, July 13, 2015

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Saturday, June 13, 2015

War parade


In wars, soldiers are dead and wounded. Generals get decorated in medals.


Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Monday, May 18, 2015

Where is mom?


To mom:
    I'm hungry ...
    I'm cold ...
    I'm hot ...
    Can I have ...?
    I want to watch ...
    Where are you?
    Can you ask Dad?
    Can you help me ...?
    He hurt me ...
    She hurt me ...
    I want to go there ...
    When are we ...?
    Why are we ...?
    Why can't we ...?
To dad:
    Where is mom?



Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Friday, May 8, 2015

Mother drinks because of you


Don't forget to pick up a bottle of wine for your mom on Mother's Day.
After all, you are one of the reasons she drinks.


Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/




Sunday, May 3, 2015

Pont Neuf Bridge, Toulouse, France


Dear friends and colleagues,

Over the past few weeks I have received many funny images or jokes and have emailed them to friends and colleagues who I thought shared the same sense of humour.

Unfortunately, I seem to have upset a few people and received criticism for being sexist and shallow.

So, from now on I am only emailing content of general interest to all persons of sensibility and good taste. Content such as natural beauty, phenomena, places of historical significance or general interest. I am sure you will all agree the attached picture of the Pont Neuf Bridge, Toulouse, France, has great historical value surrounded by phenomenal natural beauty.

Thanks and regards


Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Eye sight failing


Don't stress about your eyesight failing as you get older.
It's natures way of protecting you from shock as you walk pass the mirror.



Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Fat - When you realize it, it is too late


The past of eat is ate.
And the future of ate is weight.
And the most funny part is that people realize it when it is late.



Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Monday, April 13, 2015

Iridescent cloud


An iridescent cloud ~~~

It is an uncommon phenomenon, the result of diffraction ... small droplets of water or small crystals of ice individually scattering light.

If the small droplets/crystals are of similar size, their cumulative effect is seen as iridescent colours. The cloud must be optically thin, so that most rays encounter only a single droplet. Iridescence is therefore mostly seen at cloud edges or in semi-transparent clouds.


You may have seen this type of cloud in your own travel, or seen more colourful photos on the internet.  But it is so much sweeter if you can capture it with your own camera.

Above photo was taken on 2015 March, during a climbing trip to Gungartan Mountain in Kosciuszko National Park in NSW, Australia. Photos and trip report of that climb are in:

http://mntviews.blogspot.com.au/2015/03/gungartan-kerries-ridge-nsw-australia.html

Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Friday, April 3, 2015

Acripeza reticulata (Mountain Katydid)


Acripeza reticulata (Mountain Katydid, also known as Mountain Grasshopper) ~~~
The one on left and also the one on top-right is a female. When its wings are folded, it looks like a small lump of dirt and is not easy to be spotted. But when its wings are spread out, you can see the beautiful red, blue & black bands on its body.
The male is much skinnier - bottom-right.


Just looking at the photo, you wouldn't have imagined they are the same insect !

Above photo was taken in 2015 March, during a climbing trip to Gungartan Mountain in Kosciuszko National Park in NSW, Australia. Photos and trip report of that climb are in:

http://mntviews.blogspot.com.au/2015/03/gungartan-kerries-ridge-nsw-australia.html

Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Friday, March 13, 2015

Cleavage is like the sun


Cleavage is like the sun. You can glance at it for only a second, but if you wear sunglasses, you can look much longer.

Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Spelling error


I hate spelling errors. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urinated.

Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Monday, February 23, 2015

Smiling face in the night sky



Say Cheese !

In the centre of the below image, taken with the NASA/ESA Hubble Space Telescope, is the galaxy cluster SDSS J1038+4849 ... and it seems to be smiling.

You can make out its two orange eyes and white button nose. In the case of this “happy face”, the two eyes are very bright galaxies and the misleading smile lines are actually arcs caused by an effect known as strong gravitational lensing.

Galaxy clusters are the most massive structures in the Universe and exert such a powerful gravitational pull that they warp the spacetime around them and act as cosmic lenses which can magnify, distort and bend the light behind them. This phenomenon, crucial to many of Hubble’s discoveries, can be explained by Einstein’s theory of general relativity.

In this special case of gravitational lensing, a ring (known as an Einstein Ring) is produced from this bending of light, a consequence of the exact and symmetrical alignment of the source, lens and observer and resulting in the ring-like structure we see here.



Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Fart to smell like mint :-)


This is fartbulously fartastic ... An underwear patch to make your farts smell like mint  :-)
And when will Apple buy it and name it iFart?

Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Friday, February 13, 2015

Sunday, February 8, 2015

Politician and Prostitute


Hi! I'm 32. I'm a politician and I'm honest.
Hi. I'm 29. I'm a prostitute and I'm a virgin.

Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Wolf Spider


The wolf spider is the only species of spider that carries its offspring this way - live, hatched and wriggling on her back!
After a gestation of 9 to 27 days (dependent on temperature) during which the eggs are carried around in a silk globe attached to the mothers stomach, the offspring hatch and climb on to her back. They stay there until they're ready to hunt alone.



Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

What is wrong with this picture?


Something is not right with this picture. Can you see it?
(Answer is in the comment section)

Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Friday, January 23, 2015

Jelly Fish has no brain


The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having a brain is great news for stupid people.
(Actually, this is great news for the human race too, and especially me. But wait, that means people in my office will be there forever.)


Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Math for grownups


Math for Grownups:
- Cheeseburger + Detox tea = Total health
- 30 minutes productivity + 6 hours internet = Good work day
- 1 hour gym time + 4 hours couch time = Total fitness
- 1 sale item + 10 impulse purchases = Good budgeting
- 2 hours sleep + 4 cups of coffee = Awake & alert


Please visit my main page at http://mntviews.blogspot.com/

Saturday, January 3, 2015